Hey, everyone! It’s the first of the month, so you know what that means-Monthly Mental Health Update! The month of February was fairly busy and rewarding, and I’m looking forward to sharing it with you. But before we get into that, how are you? Feel free to share in the comments or through email how you’re doing, mental health-wise or in general. I would love to hear from you guys! How is your anxiety or depression affecting you? Are you making progress? Are you just wanting to talk to someone? I’m always here to talk to anybody! I would also love to hear blog topic suggestions. Let me know if there is a specific subject you would like me to cover!
February was filled with a lot of stress, a lot of happiness, and a lot of sickness. The first weekend of February was action-packed! Saturday was my sister’s 22nd birthday and also the day before her wedding. This day was full of last-minute errands like picking up flowers and getting wedding favors ready. This rushing around was actually very beneficial to me, considering how nervous I was for the wedding!
My sister’s wedding was Sunday, February 2nd. It was absolutely beautiful! It was an intimate ceremony on a gorgeous little farm about 45 minutes from our home. There are hills and horses and gorgeous decor and fixtures. It was her dream wedding in her dream dress and I’m so thankful that I got to be a part of it – the part I was nervous about.
I was a bridesmaid. A fact that excited me and frightened me all at once. My main fear? Having a panic attack while standing beside my sister at the altar. Did this happen? Nope! While getting dressed, I took a little Klonopin and was good to go! The afternoon was spent eating and dancing and celebrating my sister and now brother-in-law before sending them off to Disney World for their honeymoon! I was still in the worst stages of mono, but I ended up having fun with only a couple of anxious moments.
This leads to the day after the wedding. A very bittersweet day indeed. To preface, I’m on Cymbalta and it’s a rare occasion for me to cry. It’s just not an easy action when on some antidepressants. So, when I tell you I nearly sobbed when walking into her bedroom the next day, you should be slightly concerned. (Just kidding. I’m okay.) I’m just awful with transitions and I’m very close with each member of my immediate family.
The following week was spent FaceTiming my sister and her husband in Disney World and sending endless SnapChats about how much we missed each other, even though it had only been about 2 days.
The rest of the month was pretty okay. I am still trying to recover from mono. I’m super tired and weak. My OCD hasn’t been great lately, but my panic and anxiety aren’t bothering me too much. My doctor prescribed me a new beta-blocker called Metoprolol which has helped my Tachycardia so much!
I made progress today! I went into the bathroom my sisters vomited in back in December. And, yes, that was the first time in 11 weeks that I’ve even touched the doorknob. My therapist thinks that it might be time to start therapy every 2 weeks!
It’s that point in the school year where I’m almost ready to chuck my textbooks into the trash. Thankfully, I’m ahead in most of my subjects, so I should be finished before public schools. I think I found the right university psychology degree to pursue, and I’m starting to plan for the future. The same future that seemed so bleak and useless two months ago.
This past weekend, my family and I took a day trip to New Orleans. If you know me, you know this is a HUGE step. I ate at a restaurant I’ve never eaten at before. I explored new things and places. I bought a birthday present for my grandfather at a war museum and got a T-shirt from my parents. I had fun, and only had one period of panic that lasted around 30 minutes. I came close to taking a Klonopin, but I breathed through it and got through the day without it!
All of these details are so important and memorable to me because I haven’t been able to do anything for months. I was stuck in my house with severe panic attacks and anxiety and depression since July. I lost hope of even being able to go to the grocery store without taking Klonopin and Vistaril. Now, any time that I’m able to leave my house, even for mundane tasks and errands, I feel so grateful. I have such an appreciation for the ability to do things and go places again.
I remember getting tired of my parents telling me “It’s going to get better,” because I didn’t see how it could. But it did. I still have a lot of improvement to make, but my progress the past month is hard to even comprehend. So, if you’re in the same place I was in not long ago, it does get better. If you feel stuck in your panic or depression or OCD or any anxiety disorder, hear it from a person who understands: It gets better.
The right medication and therapist and your own strength can and will get you to a place where you can look back on these days with appreciation. I know it doesn’t sound possible, but it is! Again, Lord knows I have room for improvement, but I’m already thankful for the struggle.
Thanks for Reading!
Thank you for keeping up with me and reading the blog! It means so much to me that there are people interested in my content and well-being. I hope you enjoyed this update and got some encouragement from it.